My reality of being an IB student

I'm in my second year in IB now. What I can say is, I really have challenged myself enough to come this far. But wast it enough?

Knowing my semester result today is kinda depressing. And you can easily figure out my mood right now. IB is real hard people. REAL HARD. NO KIDDING. I think I have done my utmost effort to get a result I wanted, but expectations always went wrong. At least, for me.

Sad enough until I got so many thoughts right away in my head and wont go away. Thus making me write this. At least to you, strangers I'm not embarrased because people nowadays dont really care do they. I want to at least pour this out to someone. What thoughts I have? Like this :

-What have I achieved so far?
-I'm almost at my limit, so my effort still not enough?
-Will I survive this?
-Will there be a university out there that will receive my grades?
-If I cant do this, how am I going into degree then?
-Have I made the utmost wrong choice in my life?
and etc.

I also wanted some lecture so I told my parents about this. But their response is nothing like encouragement. Haha. What they told me were things like, "I didnt ask you to choose IB; You should better off go with Matriculation before; I dont know, its your own decision; Your brother received all A's in his years; we dont know waht to say to you'". Really, what have I done with my life? Am I too conceited in thinking I can do this, I can change, I can challenge this damn hard thing everyone is talking about, I love that subjects thus I can do it. But nothing turned out right though. I always end up hating myself more. For my decision is always influenced by strong desire and hope, often far from my ability.

Its all because I want to be better. I want to surpass my big brother who managed to graduate from A-Level with flying colours and also from a university overseas. I want to avert all those attention from my brother to me. To be crowned with the most brilliant child of the family. I can do that! Cant I?

Now looking back. I dont even see the real reason I chose IB before. Though I heard it trained you in a harsh way but you'll come out as an excellent person in the future. Many kept saying that. But what have I got so far? And with those half-baked grades, you expect for the top 50 university in the world will accept you? What an arrogant being you are. The challenges in those university will be far harder. If you cannot done this, what have you become? Once again, what have I done with my life?

Will I be able to survive this?